Did you know when you make an appointment at the international travel desk at your local public health department, the clerk will fully laugh when your destination is Mozambique?
Thankfully, the nurse doesn’t laugh. She just ever-so-quietly lines up the immunizations and doesn’t bother to hide her “Why the hell?” look.
My afternoon went something like this:
Show up late to the county health department — my appointment coincidentally on the same day as a huge immigrant march through the same neighborhood — and meet clerk with brilliant comedic timing.
Clench fists and force a smile at said clerk. Pay $183 for shots that will not with 100% certainty protect my ass from infectious disease but with without fail make me 100% crabby.
Meet nurse, who is fairly pleasant and far too qualified for the crap she must deal with in this role.
Inhale and work on meditating: “Be thankful for the benefits of immunizations.”
PINCH
Exhale. “Be thankful. Be thankful. Be thankful.”
Inhale, grimace, promising self ice cream after this is said and done: “Just breathe. Mint chocolate chip. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.”
PINCH
Exhale.
Inhale, “Screw the breathing. Just get through this and we’ll get a double scoop.”
PINCH
Exhale.

And yet, when it was all said and done? Still better than getting typhoid.
~K