I’m in love, but I’m not going to lie — our relationship is rocky. There are days I sit at my desk and think of how I’d so much rather be with my honey — off at the park, in the mountains, doing anything else but sitting still.
And then there are the days that I wish I’d never see this latest sweetheart again. It’s an abusive relationship, without a doubt.

ruby in all her glory

Ruby is like any other stereotypical red headed tempest. She loves me one moment, whispering sweet nothings in my ear about long, beautiful rides through the countryside. She cradles me — holds me lovingly. But without a doubt, as soon as I’m 30 minutes away from home and the ride is just starting to get my heart truly pumping, I hear her wicked laugh. Flying monkeys soar above me, taunting me at each turn.

might as well be made of brick

I’ll get you my pretty, and your little tush too!

Her loving embrace turns into a grasp from hell. She beats my legs into submission, sending fiery pain from my feet to my hips as I pedal with sheer determination not to let her see me cry, yet again. My body aches in places I didn’t know could hurt. My shoulders tense with each bump in the road. My stomach lurches at the sight of sand on the path ahead. I need courage, heart and a brain to survive my dates with Ruby.

dork in her helmet

Oh Ruby, how you’ve tricked me again. You make me yearn for my other loves — the twins:

New Balance, the twins

New and Balance. (There is no place like home. No place like I home!) and my slinky Italian lover, Speedo.


They never abused me this way. And yet, like a Lifetime Movie starlet who never learns the lesson, I cannot wait for our next tryst. It’s a wicked love.