I am newly in love with an acoustic group called “Bonobo” — yes, like the monkeys who define aggressively sexual behavior. The group is so very good and I’ve found I’m working at a different pace as they play along each morning. I am also enjoying another new music recommendation — Zoe Keating. Have you heard of her? She plays the cello with a balance of grace and fervor. For Pandora listeners, they’ll come up on the same queue. You can thank me later.
I’ve been struggling a bit lately with loyalty and commitments. Not to those I love — those rules are simple — but to community responsibility and work. I’ve over-committed in a few areas and decided to end projects that simply weren’t working. The community gardening with the high school kids? Not happening any longer. There was a disagreement with other leadership at the school and I just didn’t have the energy to fight for a project I hadn’t asked to do. Secondly, the SOF group is no longer. I tried stoking the fires at my church and with my friends to talk about faith; ultimately I need to realize that while this is important to me, it isn’t to 90% of my social circle. They are smiling through my requests, but truly not interested. We have different passions and I should appreciate everyone isn’t excited about the same cup of tea, so to speak.
It is hard for me to cut ties. While I say I’m black and white, really most of my priorities remain in a silvery gray mess that keeps me wondering whether I should really give it my all, or walk away. Saying goodbye to both of these projects felt freeing. With people, those lines are a bit more difficult. I’m subject to staying in bad friendships and relationships because I pride loyalty over self-contentment. I think being true to your commitments is far more important than being on a quest for what’s right. For the most part, this dedication to fidelity has worked in my favor.
{And if nothing else, it gives me a great soapbox from which to yell at douchebaggy friends who cheat. There is nothing like a side of moral superiority and a dash of cynicism with your morning coffee.}*
Have you ever felt like you need to stick with a relationship, friendship, job or a commitment even though it wasn’t in your best interest? How did you handle it? Did you ever move on too hastily and then wonder what fueled your burst of impertinence?
Lots of heavy pondering for a Wednesday morning — one that started with a line up of sweet new sewing supplies and a great run with Salty. He has a way of getting me thinking.
~K
*I stuck up for David Letterman this week in complete contrast to what I’ve written. I guess I’d hoped this affairs had happened before he was married or in a relationship with his wife.I also hope not to know the intimate details of the lives of others.