Tall Lady needs to learn, I am not a mannequin.

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Just because she knits something new doesn’t mean I’m supposed to walk around the house, strutting like some skinny French poodle on the dogwalk. I mean, GOD MOM. What will the neighborhood dogs think?

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I’ve got an “obnoxious barking + no-discrimination humping policy” to uphold. It isn’t easy for a street dog like me to move into the burbs with all of these farm dogs prowling their backyards and make friends. I just want to fit in, sniff some butts, spend more time at the park and sniff some butts. Is this too much to ask?

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I’m channeling my namesake, Willie, and writing a sad, lonely country song about the woes of the pound pup who was forced into drag.

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Wait, that’s better. At least no one can see me now.

-w. Nelson Mandela