Dearly Beloved

I’ve never been a person lacking in sentimentality or emotion; weddings are the worst. I cry at the drop of a hat. “Look at the flowers! The program! The dress! Oh man, the grandma is dancing with the groom!” Insider trading tip: invest in Kleenex before I attend weddings.

My biggest worry with Adam and Kim’s day was that I’d cry. Actually, my biggest worry was that I’d be so nervous, I’d have a couple shots of tequila beforehand and then get up there and make too many jokes and an ass out of myself in the process. I sincerely wanted to have the guts to open with, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate this thing called life!” Even though it was the perfect crowd, my voice hiccuped and I stuck to the pre-approved script.

No tequila, no tears. Huh. There might be something to that…

I spent the hour before the wedding with Kim and her bridesmaids. One could say I was praying with them, but in truth I was sipping a glass of champagne and reviewing my notes. It wasn’t until we arrived at the ceremony — a gazebo in the woods overlooking a lake — that I lost my nerve. Seeing Adam in his suit, standing with his best friends, furiously reviewing his vows? Well. There was a lump of doom in my throat.

There he was. My best dude friend. In a suit. His face wasn’t peaceful. It was anxious and first-day-of-kindergarten nervous. He was ready to get these vows over with and hit the party. I had two seconds to give him a hug and give Matty a pinch on the butt before I scattered down the aisle in my surprisingly slippery cowboy boots to the altar. Soon enough, I was surrounded with Kim’s gorgeous bridesmaids on one side (who collectively could use not just a cheeseburger,  but to invest in an entire McDonald’s franchise) and his frighteningly charming groomsmen on the other.

She came around the corner with her dad and the look on Adam’s face instantly transformed. He lit up, and like a child on Christmas morning, giggled. Everyone could tell what he was thinking — “Can you believe that gorgeous woman is going to marry me? Holy mother of all things Coors.”

And then, in a flash, I was announcing them man and wife. The ceremony included the Jewish tradition of breaking the glass, a joyous “Mazel Tov!” by the crowd and a sincere applause when they were finally able to kiss.

Being able to marry them blew my mind. Honored and all that such doesn’t do it justice. I am just so very glad these two found each other, we were all able to see them get married and that they are considering moving to Denver. Because their minister said so.

Much love to the newlyweds!