I’m going to avoid the trite apologies to the digital heavens about not checking in. I haven’t written anything here for a long time. My browser, for the first time in 10 years, didn’t remember how to get here.
So, that’s weird.
I’ve been married for nearly 8 months. I could write books on those 8 months. They are mostly this dreamy state of happiness where boxes continue to arrive from Macy’s, and dinners are made with care, and I receive love letters, and I’m living in a beautiful home. That beautiful home on the edge of the desert also happens to be the dustiest place I’ve ever lived. It is gorgeous and clean for exactly one hot minute. (Literally hot. 118 later this week.) And, there is the whole thing about living with another being you just pledged the rest of your days to.
I waxed and waned here for years about how desperately I wanted to be married. I wanted a husband! I mean, I quit my job, sold my stuff, and moved to New Jersey for two months once upon a time because I was romantic. Once married, I could add “wifey” to my bio and laugh and be smug with the others who I envisioned had a life royale.
Well, look. Come to find out, life is a bit more nuanced. I am wary of how many people ask me in a whisper, leaning in with an eyebrow raised, “So… how is married life?”
How is married life?
Married life is weird. And wonderful. And a switch in perspective. I’m doing this forever. I’ve never done anything forever.
I wonder when people ask this leading question if they are actually asking, “Are you having great sex?” Do they assume married couples that are getting a little older and have spent a few years together can’t keep it hot as you’d expect from couples you’d see on the likes of sexmature or any other example you can find online? Or, more likely, are they looking for immediate cracks in the levee. Are you sad you’ve decided to jump into this age-old cultural and religious tradition where the property of your father is legally transferred to your future husband?
(The name change process is an entirely different post. There wasn’t a single step that was simple, and I’ve yet to relinquish my passport for the swap.)
So, how is married life?
It’s fun. I love coming home to my husband, who’s interested to hear how my day was, while dogs nip at my feet and beg for my attention. I love this family. I love our home.
And, married life is tricky. We are two adults with established routines, habits, bed times, bank accounts, and traditions. Thrown together, there is a fair amount of adjusting for everyone to make it feel good, fair, and loving.
And for now, today, it feels better than good.